A little backstory:
I was an idiot (and probably still am) and a while back I made a seriously cringy "Clash of Clans story." I'm making the completely logical decision of making a second rendition of the story. You probably don't want to read ahead.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Archie was in unbelievable pain. His head felt as if it was splitting open. The war had taken a toll on him - on all of the barbarians. If not for the speed of the hog riders, Archie likely would've been killed twice over. Thankfully, the leader no longer was required to attack; however, the war was still not over.

Archie knew what he signed up for when he chose to become a barbarian. He could very well die, and he acknowledged it. Still, he tried his best to prevent his death, especially considering the possible promotion of Barbarian King. The village leader had been saving a dark elixir that could be injected into a barbarian's body to give him herculean strength. But Archie didn't keep his hopes up. His odds of getting picked were about one in 180.

Archie slowly picked himself onto his feet. He won't be fighting in a war any longer, but the village needed loot. Thankfully, the leader was merciful and only chose bases he could three-star; that way, at least some barbarians could stay alive. Archie secretly hoped that he would be among them.

However, the leader didn't just use barbarians. He used archers too, but they knew they were dispensable. The leader wouldn't upgrade to town hall 9 for a long while, and they simply waited for their death. Eventually, the leader would have a battle where everyone is a casualty, and the entire camp would have to be replaced. Unlike the voluntary job of the barbarian, archers were drafted. Generally, the less you clapped at a tree, the more likely you were to be drafted, as according to authoritative figures within the superior development collaborative effort to create a highly-grossing MMO, "clap tree good." Thus, they followed the recommendation.

To be continued... or not. If I forget this forum exists like the past two years-ish, it won't be, and then I can come back in two years and think about how much of an idiot I was. Really, this was for myself more than anything. Been struggling a lot lately. Thanks for reading if you did.