They're professionals at this in Russia, so no matter how many Jell-O shots or Jager shooters you might have downed at college mixers, no matter how good a drinker you might think you are, don't forget that the Russians - any Russian - can drink you under the table.
Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed. He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
A heavy drinker struggles with his health. He suffers from shaky limbs, clouded head, lack of energy, massive headaches. Every day his complaints seem to get worse and at some point he decides to go see his doctor.
So what do you think is causing my problems doctor, he asks after a brief examination. The doctor scratches his head and says: I really cant tell. It could be the alcohol.
The man looks up and says: Thats okay doc, happens to the best of us. Ill come back tomorrow when you might be sober.
There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.
-Ron White
Last edited by Tanis111; March 25th, 2017 at 04:50 AM.
At a Huge conference of beer brewers held in Australia. It comes to the end of the day, the presidents of all the beer brew companies decide to have a drink in a pub.
The president of Fosters orders a Fosters, the president of Budweiser orders a Bud, the president of Lion Nathan orders a Tooheys Extra Dry, and the list goes on. Then the waitress asks Arthur Guinness what he wants to drink, and much to everybodys amazement, Mr. Guinness orders a Coke!
Why dont you order a Guinness? his colleagues ask.
Naah. If you guys wont drink beer, then neither will I.
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