Bill Clinton and the Pope both died on the same day. Due to a minor clerical error, the Pope went to Hell, while Clinton went to Heaven. When the Pope arrived in Hell, everyone realized the mistake. Due to an issue with the union, they couldn't swap the two until the next day, and the Pope had to spend the night in Hell, while Clinton spent the night in Heaven. The next day the paperwork got worked out. On his way up to Heaven, the Pope ran into Clinton. Clinton asked the Pope, "How was your night in Hell?" "Very educational," responded the Pope. "I've learned a lot from the experience, but now I'm glad I'm going to Heaven. I've been waiting all my life to meet the Virgin Mary." "Ooh, sorry," said Clinton, "you should have been there yesterday."
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all work for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey girls," says the brunette. "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after their boss. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss. She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time. "That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime." "No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."
You can tell I've been married for a while. Went to the doctor's last week, he said, 'Have you had sex in the last seven days?' And I said, 'No, my birthday is earlier in the year.'
He says, “Doc, you gotta help me, my p*nis is bright orange and I’m afraid of the worst.”
The doctor examines the p*nis and it is, indeed, bright orange but the doctor can’t make a diagnosis. He spends the next several hours running every relevant test that he can think of.
At the end of this testing ordeal, the doctor is still stymied. He confronts the young man and says, “Son, I’ve run every test I can think of and all of them indicate that you are healthy as a horse. There must be something we are missing.”
The doctor sits down and says, “Perhaps , it’s not genetic and has to do with your lifestyle. Tell me, do you engage in any dangerous activities.”
“That’s just it, Doc,” says the young man, “I don’t really do anything exciting. Mostly, I just sit at home, surf the Internet and eat Cheetohs.”
Last edited by CallMeJobe; December 15th, 2016 at 12:25 AM.
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