LEAKED Next Update: Magic Item Store

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July 5th, 2014
GrimFuture

3 Attachment(s)

LEAKED Next Update: Magic Item Store

MAGIC ITEM STORE

Attachment 50587
ITEM: ROYAL EYE GLASSES
COST: 500 Gems
EFFECT: BK WIDER VISION
Let's face it. The "Hero Nerf Update" made your Barb King (BK) blind on defense. Your base can be under attack all around, and your BK will stay in the center picking His Immortal nose with His Question Mark.

So, these mideveal-looking spectacles will allow your BK to actually go after those pesky attackers who may be just 4 tiles away. It will also make your BK stop mistakenly bringing in those skunks inside the house thinking they are stray cats.

Attachment 50589
ITEM: ROYAL BULL TESTICLES
COST: 800 Gems
EFFECT: BK PRE-UPDATE POWER
Let's face it. The "Hero Nerf Update" made your BK a mortal weakling. Your supposed "Immortal Demigod" now has issues working His way past a Builder's Hut. And when an enemy Pekka pops out of the Clan Castle, your BK now looks back at you with reluctance.

So, these mideval steroids will allow your BK to have PRE-"Hero-Nerf Update" Hit Points and Attack Power. Except, SuperCell devs still don't like the idea of your Level 40 Immortal Demigod to be strong. So, Bull Testicles will only work on Tuesdays and Fridays between the hours of 11am-4pm GMT.

Attachment 50590
ITEM: HOG ARMOR
COST: 300 Gems
EFFECT: PRE-UPDATE HOGS VS GIANT BOMBS
Let's face it. The "Hero Nerf Update" made your mass hog army obsolete vs Town Hall 9 bases that have both giant bombs and Archer Queens. It was genuine fast-paced action requiring skill and foresight to place heal spells before your swarming hogs. You thought you had to kiss that goodbye.

This isn't really an item per say. But for 300 gems, your Hogs won't take 1.5x damage any more from giant bombs. SuperCell upholds a sacred trust to maintain game balance and to make sure no one uses mass-anything. So, to balance this powerful item, every time you 2 or 3 star a war map using mass hogs, a message will pop up at the end of your battles. It reads...

"SuperCell does not appreciate you training a mass hog army. SuperCell doesn't appreciate it at all. You are making SuperCell very sad. Very, very sad."
July 5th, 2014
Wafflesaregoodforyou

Seems legit...

Legit it seems...
July 5th, 2014
Brenta

This...could actually work you know?
July 5th, 2014
JtB

Nice.

.........
July 5th, 2014
Vermillion

I find this immensely funny.
July 5th, 2014
Stormegetton

Bull testicles, the origional testosterone bootster
July 5th, 2014
SorrowCat

I can deal with this, bring it

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrimFuture

Attachment 50590
ITEM: HOG ARMOR
COST: 300 Gems
EFFECT: PRE-UPDATE NORMALITY VS GIANT BOMBS
Let's face it. The "Hero Nerf Update" made your mass hog army obsolete vs advanced Town Hall 8 bases that have both giant bombs and Archer Queens. It was genuine fast-paced action requiring skill and foresight to place heal spells before your swarming hogs. You thought you had to kiss that goodbye.

Idk what kind of advanced TH8 you have or have find, but I want my TH8 with an AQ too
July 5th, 2014
GrimFuture

Thanks Sorrowcat, I made the edit.
July 5th, 2014
ChiefJoshua

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrimFuture

MAGIC ITEM STORE

Attachment 50587
ITEM: EYE GLASSES
COST: 500 Gems
EFFECT: WIDER VISION
Let's face it. The "Hero Nerf Update" made your Barb King (BK) blind on defense. Your base can be under attack all around, and your BK will stay in the center picking His Immortal nose with His Question Mark.

So, these mideveal-looking spectacles will allow your BK to actually go after those pesky attackers who may be just 4 tiles away. It will also make your BK stop mistakenly bringing in those skunks inside the house thinking they are stray cats.

that is stupid we dont want him to be lurable
July 5th, 2014
Simho0415

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrimFuture

MAGIC ITEM STORE

Attachment 50587
ITEM: EYE GLASSES
COST: 500 Gems
EFFECT: WIDER VISION
Let's face it. The "Hero Nerf Update" made your Barb King (BK) blind on defense. Your base can be under attack all around, and your BK will stay in the center picking His Immortal nose with His Question Mark.

So, these mideveal-looking spectacles will allow your BK to actually go after those pesky attackers who may be just 4 tiles away. It will also make your BK stop mistakenly bringing in those skunks inside the house thinking they are stray cats.

Attachment 50589
ITEM: BULL TESTICLES
COST: 800 Gems
EFFECT: PRE-UPDATE POWER
Let's face it. The "Hero Nerf Update" made your BK a mortal weakling. Your supposed "Immortal Demigod" now has issues working His way past a Builder's Hut. And when an enemy Pekka pops out of the Clan Castle, your BK now looks back at you with reluctance.

So, these mideval steroids will allow your BK to have PRE-"Hero-Nerf Update" Hit Points and Attack Power. Except, SuperCell devs still don't like the idea of your Level 40 Immortal Demigod to be strong. So, Bull Testicles will only work on Tuesdays and Fridays between the hours of 11am-4pm GMT.

Attachment 50590
ITEM: HOG ARMOR
COST: 300 Gems
EFFECT: PRE-UPDATE NORMALITY VS GIANT BOMBS
Let's face it. The "Hero Nerf Update" made your mass hog army obsolete vs Town Hall 9 bases that have both giant bombs and Archer Queens. It was genuine fast-paced action requiring skill and foresight to place heal spells before your swarming hogs. You thought you had to kiss that goodbye.

This isn't really an item per say. But for 300 gems, your Hogs won't take 1.5x damage any more from giant bombs. SuperCell upholds a sacred trust to maintain game balance and to make sure no one uses mass-anything. So, to balance this powerful item, every time you 2 or 3 star a war map using mass hogs, a message will pop up at the end of your battles. It reads...

"SuperCell does not appreciate you training a mass hog army. SuperCell doesn't appreciate it at all. You are making SuperCell very sad. Very, very sad."

This could......work
July 5th, 2014
Altin

ITEM: GRINDSTONE
COST: 6969 GEMS
EFFECT: PEKKAS LEVEL 5 ACTUALLY DO MORE DAMAGE
Lets face it: The PEKKA LEVEL 5 update was just a beauty makeover for the PEKKA, she doesnt even do more damage than a level 4 did before the update. With this item, your PEKKAS LEVEL 5 will actually have more DPS. Even though we're only adding like +2 DPS (look-wizards,archers), at least its something, right?
July 5th, 2014
HyperGamer

very smart, now lets watchout for the mods...
July 5th, 2014
GrimFuture

No need for mod actions. It's just good satire. It makes you laugh at yourself, Supercell, and this game we play.
July 5th, 2014
nas

Haha this is awesome!
July 5th, 2014
johnnybro1234

Lol Supercell can already hear money dropping into their pockets with this idea:p
July 5th, 2014
ClashWithQuan

I don't buy gems so I can't buy anything from the Magic Item Store. Do you accept elixir as payment?
July 5th, 2014
Lexthetrex

Sadly this is the best idea I've seen all day.
July 5th, 2014
GrimFuture

1 Attachment(s)

Attachment 50750
No animals, especially bulls and their genitalia, were harmed in the making of this discussion topic.

Too bad Supercell doesn't believe in cruelty-free messaging to animals. Poor hogs being singled out by discriminating bombs! They were the spokesmen in your TV commercials, and this is how you repay them?
July 5th, 2014
HyperGamer

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChiefJoshua

that is stupid we dont want him to be lurable

i think he means this will make other bases hero's lurable.
August 6th, 2014
GrimFuture

1 Attachment(s)

Attachment 56896
ITEM: NAACP CARD
COST: 700 Gems
EFFECT: GIANT BOMB DAMAGE EQUALITY
Let's face it. The "Hero Nerf Update" made Giant Bombs curiously discriminate vs Hog Riders. Before the update, you always thought Clash of Clans was a global community as diverse in ethnicities as the number of strategies employed. But now, your Hogs mope around all day asking "why me?", and "it's not fair!"

For 700 gems, your Hogs will now play an animation in battle flashing their National Association of the Advancement of Colored Peoples' membership card to Giant Bombs- at such point, Giant Bombs will then show an animation of a begrudging face doing only 1X damage to Hog Riders. Your NAACP membership card with Mr. Hog Rider's name on it, is a political statement saying NO to unfair discriminatory practices.
August 6th, 2014
thumper4

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrimFuture

Attachment 56896
ITEM: NAACP CARD
COST: 700 Gems
EFFECT: GIANT BOMB DAMAGE EQUALITY
Let's face it. The "Hero Nerf Update" made Giant Bombs curiously discriminate vs Hog Riders. Before the update, you always thought Clash of Clans was a global community as diverse in ethnicities as the number of strategies employed. But now, your Hogs mope around all day asking "why me?", and "it's not fair!"

For 700 gems, your Hogs will now play an animation in battle flashing their National Association of the Advancement of Colored Peoples' membership card to Giant Bombs- at such point, Giant Bombs will then show an animation of a begrudging face doing only 1X damage to Hog Riders. Your NAACP membership card with Mr. Hog Rider's name on it, is a political statement saying NO to unfair discriminatory practices.

This one got me. haha!
August 7th, 2014
Chunkeimunkei

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrimFuture

MAGIC ITEM STORE

Attachment 50587
ITEM: ROYAL EYE GLASSES
COST: 500 Gems
EFFECT: BK WIDER VISION
Let's face it. The "Hero Nerf Update" made your Barb King (BK) blind on defense. Your base can be under attack all around, and your BK will stay in the center picking His Immortal nose with His Question Mark.

So, these mideveal-looking spectacles will allow your BK to actually go after those pesky attackers who may be just 4 tiles away. It will also make your BK stop mistakenly bringing in those skunks inside the house thinking they are stray cats.

Attachment 50589
ITEM: ROYAL BULL TESTICLES
COST: 800 Gems
EFFECT: BK PRE-UPDATE POWER
Let's face it. The "Hero Nerf Update" made your BK a mortal weakling. Your supposed "Immortal Demigod" now has issues working His way past a Builder's Hut. And when an enemy Pekka pops out of the Clan Castle, your BK now looks back at you with reluctance.

So, these mideval steroids will allow your BK to have PRE-"Hero-Nerf Update" Hit Points and Attack Power. Except, SuperCell devs still don't like the idea of your Level 40 Immortal Demigod to be strong. So, Bull Testicles will only work on Tuesdays and Fridays between the hours of 11am-4pm GMT.

Attachment 50590
ITEM: HOG ARMOR
COST: 300 Gems
EFFECT: PRE-UPDATE HOGS VS GIANT BOMBS
Let's face it. The "Hero Nerf Update" made your mass hog army obsolete vs Town Hall 9 bases that have both giant bombs and Archer Queens. It was genuine fast-paced action requiring skill and foresight to place heal spells before your swarming hogs. You thought you had to kiss that goodbye.

This isn't really an item per say. But for 300 gems, your Hogs won't take 1.5x damage any more from giant bombs. SuperCell upholds a sacred trust to maintain game balance and to make sure no one uses mass-anything. So, to balance this powerful item, every time you 2 or 3 star a war map using mass hogs, a message will pop up at the end of your battles. It reads...

"SuperCell does not appreciate you training a mass hog army. SuperCell doesn't appreciate it at all. You are making SuperCell very sad. Very, very sad."

You said testicles, now this thread will be close soon, XD. cheer
August 7th, 2014
Disqualified

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chunkeimunkei

You said testicles, now this thread will be close soon, XD. cheer

I wonder why this thread was here for four weeks then:confused:
August 7th, 2014
Chunkeimunkei

Quote:

Originally Posted by Disqualified

I wonder why this thread was here for four weeks then:confused:

Proof that mod doesn't read every thread???
August 7th, 2014
Wintaburr

Looks like someone hates the update so much.
August 7th, 2014
Maxwell6299

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrimFuture;2277419

[I

"SuperCell does not appreciate you training a mass hog army. SuperCell doesn't appreciate it at all. You are making SuperCell very sad. Very, very sad."[/I]

This made me fall out of my chair, lol.
August 18th, 2014
Hairybobby

sucks but wont happen