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I think there should be an option to change your chat name. I know you can change your farm name to change your chat name but I am known as "Farm of Erised" because I don't want something simple like Belinda's Farm. Also my daughter plays and has named her farm Ariel's Palace and people get confused when I call her Gabby. We should have a chat name (doesn't have to be a username) and a farm name. It really would be nice.
I don't really see the problem as being one of not knowing about whom you are speaking just because the farm name is different than the reference to the person. I see it as the others in the NH just needing to realize that when you say Gabby, you are referring to your daughter whose farm name is Ariel's Palace.
In my previous NH, we knew the names of our NH mates' hubbies, kids, grandkids, and some siblings, and these were people who did not play HD and, thus, were not in our NH.
I think, given a bit of time, your NH mates will learn to remember your daughter's name and the name of her farm.
I think keeping names straight could be a problem in neighborhoods with a high turnover especially if people use a chat name that is not associated with their farm. In our NH, even those of us who know people's real names or have RL relationships that preceded our farming use a chat name that is associated with our farm name or sometimes our forum name. For example, my 'hoodies who knew me as MiniGardener from the forums before I joined the NH call me Mini. Other 'hoodies call me Dibley. Both of those names are ones that I have chosen to represent my gaming self. Even having the two names for me was confusing at first to those who weren't active in the forums. I think that adding a possible third "chat" name would cause confusion.
I think that in a large hood, particularly one with a turnover of members, people should just use their farm names if they're bothered about being recognised. You really can't expect others to keep up with farm names, chat names, real names, forum names...just use Erised & Ariel - why bother with 'Mum (Belinda) & Gabby' in a game chat? It's irrelevant.