An Intimate Conversation with Nicolas Cage About ICEBEARS
Hi. I'm Nicolas Cage.
Chances are I'm your favorite actor. That's a smart choice. Whether I'm playing it subtle in "National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets" or staring down iguanas (warning: salty language!) in "Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans," I'm a smooth, silky player on that great board game called Hollywood.
When I'm not shooting blockbusters, I like to kick back in one of my well-appointed Bel Air mansions with a refreshing Zima and a well-thumbed selection from my extensive collection of 19th century Canadian erotica. But there comes a time when malty intoxication and stories about Bjorn Pierre McKenzie earning his manhood in an Ojibway wigwam no longer leave me a man fulfilled. That's when I clash with the ICEBEARS.
Who are the ICEBEARS? I'm glad you asked. We are one of the oldest clans in the Bear Family, one of the oldest and most illustrious families in the entire Clash of Clans multiverse. We were there in the beginning, before dark troops and Archer Queens, when a Bear lured a Clan Castle with nary a poison spell in sight. You might call us old school, and you might be right.
Do we war? Do we farm? The answer is we do both.
We like to war and we do it twice a week, more or less, depending on which of our elder Bears is running the show that week. We're pretty damn good at it, but we aren't necessarily looking for awesome war skills off the bat. Your "I totally three starred that TH11 that one time" stories don't hold much truck with us. We like to talk out our attacks, and our elders like to teach. We aren't a clan that demands great players; rather, we're a clan that makes players great.
We farm, too. But -- a few freak Bears notwithstanding -- we don't play this game with our noses to the grindstone. It's a social game. There's a chat function. Get to know your neighbors! Besides, we're all grown ups, and most of us have kids and stuff. I have life insurance. That's right: LIFE insurance.
And that drills down to what we're looking for: Adult players to like to learn and to teach, to talk and to listen. We are a talkative clan. Downright chatty. We're looking for members who like to explore the game and who like to simply hang out.
We're a diverse crew. ICEBEARS are women and men from all over the planet, in China, Singapore and Malaysia, South Africa, Germany and a bunch from a twee little place that we understand is called "England." These days we are looking for chatty players of any TH level* in Western Hemisphere (especially EST) time zones who want to see what we're about and don't mind swabbing out our clubhouse's margarita machine.
Tell us whether this sounds right to you. Apply now!
The nitty gritty:
Name: ICEBEARS
Clan ID: #QCL2PGV
Clan Type: Farm/war hybrid. Mostly we like to chat. People sometimes tell us to shut up. Generally, we kill them.
Doney requirements: 150/week. That's a hard and fast 150/week. Not 600/month. We can do math. Still doesn't add up.
Defaults: Archers/drags/wizzes/minions. Except for Jim, who gets nothing but giants, gobs and WBs, but only in a particular order, unless it's Saturday
AGE: 21+. We talk about things like jobs, babies and breast-feeding. If you like One Direction we're probably not your speed.
Party: At Paws' pool, whenever it gets done.
Fault: Probably Bobby's.
War: Twice a week, more or less. WAAAR!
*Sorry but we don't allow TH6s and below to war. The match-ups are never fair and our poor TH6s get steamrolled every time. But we welcome the applications and will help you rise up to war level.
